This Is Who We Are

I am numb, mostly.

I’m sitting here on Tuesday evening, trying to string together a coherent series of thoughts about what just happened as I refreshed my Twitter timeline over and over again, watching the results roll in.

And…I have nothing at all.

Donald Trump is who he has always been. Loud. A braggart. The complete opposite of humble. Someone who has traded in racism, race baiting, xenophobia and incomprehensible thoughts for going on 40 years. He lies. He cheats. He even, sometimes, outright steals.

He stoked the fires of white nationalism with coded (and not so coded) dog whistles, trying to “Make America Great Again”. He received multiple endorsements from the Ku Klux Klan and former Klansmen—as well as other white supremacists and affiliated organizations.

He opened his campaign by calling for the building of a wall along our southern border because, in his words, Mexico is sending criminals and rapists. Oh, and maybe some good people.

He made fun of a reporter with a disability, and then said that he wasn’t doing that.

He has impending trials for sexual assault and racketeering on the docket in the coming months. He has questionable business sense and questionable (and possibly illegal) business ties. He only believes things that are coming out of his mouth that very minute, and will deny doing or saying something that he was very clearly caught doing or saying.

And yet, he is the president elect of the United States of America.

I want to laugh to keep from crying, to dull the pain in my heart, throat and stomach, because this is not going to be a comfortable 4-8 years.

It’s not going to be comfortable for undocumented immigrants and their families, as some will be rent asunder by the legislation that he will try and implement (and with a Republican majority in both houses, that will possibly be easier said than done).

It’s not going to be comfortable for many who were (finally) able to afford health insurance, as the Affordable Care Act will be repealed in whole or in major part.

It’s not going to be comfortable for those who are LGBT, as the civil rights gains made over the last four to eight years get taken away with a more conservative judiciary on the table.

It’s not going to be comfortable for any people of color, as those who hate us simply because of the color of our skin will feel more emboldened by having someone who seems to share their thoughts living in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

It definitely won't be comfortable for women, since criticizing a woman's appearance is apparently okay now.

It definitely won't be comfortable for survivors of sexual assault.

It’s not going to be comfortable for certain members of the press, because unless you are willing to fall in line Pravda style, it appears that the idea of an “enemies list” will become a reality. Their jobs will be made much harder by what I expect to be the most obstructionist administration ever. Ever.

Let’s not sugarcoat this. People voted for sexism. Homophobia (via Mike Pence, the running mate). Islamophobia. Xenophobia. Racism. That’s what happened. This is who we are, apparently. These are values that many Americans are proud of and willing to support.

We used to want to welcome, the tired, the poor, the huddled masses, yearning to be free. People in other countries wanted to come here because of the ideal that if you work hard and do things the right way, you can succeed and build a better life for yourself and for your kids.

We have ceded that ground. We cannot ever claim to be a shining city on a hill, a beacon of hope to those lost in the wilderness. That beacon, that light, has been snuffed out with finality.

So, I may be going away for a while. Off of the interwebs. Spending more time at home with my family and loved ones. Keeping my head down and trying not to be noticed publicly.

I don’t like living in fear or living with fear.

But it’s America 2016.

Fear won.