Flashback Friday: February 14, 1997

Let's wander down the rabbit hole for a bit and take a look at something I wrote 18 years ago during my freshman year in college. This ought to be fun:

            Well, it’s the start of a new year, and we all know what that means. It’s that time of year, for all of those to either be very happy or very sad. It’s Valentine’s Day, an occurrence that, for some, means a time to show how much you love someone, and for others, a time to cry into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

            Okay, maybe this is a defeatist attitude, but this is what I see: Guys running around, trying to make plans and reservations at the last minute, only to find out that everything is either booked or sold out, and then he is forced into the uncomfortable position of trying to find something for his girlfriend so she won’t think that he’s some unfeeling jerk.

            Then there are those of us without anyone, and we are forced to stare at all of the decorations, and at all of the packages and flowers that are co-workers or residents of the dorm we live in get, and we’re supposed to be happy for them. Why? This Hallmark Holiday is one of the few ones where I don’t get the warm, fuzzy feeling that I am supposed to. Maybe that is because I have never had anyone on Valentine’s Day, and I am bitter. Hmm...

            Many people think that I am weird because of my Valentine’s Day tradition of wearing all black. However, I am happy to see that I am not the only one that has this tradition. Since I have come to school, I have met many people who feel the same way. Now, this year I will be wearing all black. I also will be attending a party thrown by one of my best friends. In reality, I hope that this party doesn’t become a tradition for us, because that would be bad.

            I think that my opinion on Valentine’s Day has changed a little bit for the better since high school. I still think that it’s a stupid holiday that makes men broke and Hallmark rich. Now, I know that some of you reading this might get upset, but I think that it’s the truth, in some cases. I’m not saying that all men are going to have to break the bank, but a large majority will. And I feel that that’s sad. But there isn’t much that we can do about it, because that is the nature of our society. Buy, buy, buy to impress. That’s what we do.

            Maybe things will be different if I had someone to buy for this Valentine’s Day. I would still be wearing black, however. That is just the way that I am. And I think that it’s going to be a while before that changes.

            I don’t have a problem with being happy. As long as you have someone, then be happy. I am actually not that sad when I am alone and I think that a lot of people are like me in that respect. My main problem, and I’ll end on this note, is this: I don't think that this holiday is that big a deal, yet advertisers continue to make it seem much more important than it is. If we actually consider what goes into this holiday instead of how much we should spend to impress, then maybe some of the resounding bitterness and loneliness that comes from this day would dissipate.                        

Wow.

Who was that tool?

Goodness gracious that kid is a dick.

Oh, woe is me. I'm going to wear all black and boo hoo and bitch and moan.

What's that? I unearthed another one from this guy? Hold on, let me post it:

Gather around, everyone. I have a story to tell...

            I’m going to tell you about a place where certain dreams go to die. The name of this place is, “The Black Hole of Friendship.” The reason why I say that certain dreams die there is because, well, they do. The dreams that I am talking about aren’t like, delusions of grandeur or anything outrageous like that. The dreams that I’m talking about are the dreams that one has of ever dating a good friend.

            I’ll explain. Let me take it from a guys perspective. Okay, I know that you females out there in the audience might be getting upset and are ready to protest. Wait a second. It is easier for me to explain what I’m talking about from a guys point of view because, basically, I’m a guy. So I know where I’m coming from.

            Anyway, back to what I was saying. The Black Hole. Let’s say that you’re hanging out somewhere, or you’re even at school. Now, let’s say that you meet a girl. Any girl, it doesn’t matter. You think that she’s good looking, but you don’t realize it until later on in the friendship. It hits you; you have a crush on this person. And you want to date her. So you gather up every last bit of courage that you have, and you make a move. She smiles at you, and , very politely, says, “No. You’re such a good friend. I can’t date you.”

            When you hear those words, or some variation of those words, you can just abandon all hope because you will be nothing more than a friend. There is a fine line that one walks when they’re getting to know a member of the opposite sex. On the one side of the line there is the chance that you will have a relationship with this person. On the other side of the line-friendship. Nothing else.

            Now, there is a paradox surrounding the black hole of friendship. The paradox is this: Once you have crossed to the relationship side of the line, there is always a chance that you can find yourself back on the friends side of the line. However, if you’re on the friendship side to start with, the chances are slim to none that you will ever make it to the other side. Many have tried, but few are able to escape from, “The Black Hole of Friendship.” I should know; I’ve been trapped in it so many times that I just decided to establish permanent residency there.

Okay, so it's easy to look back at yourself years later and realize what a fool you were in college.

But my God, this was something special.

Because as I reflect on things now, I had no one to blame but myself.

I could have taken more risks. I could have let some things go. I could have tried harder instead of wallowing in misery and self-pity because it was artistic or whatever the hell it was that went through the head of 18 year old, college freshman me.

I just look at this now and shake my head and wonder "What was wrong with that boy?"